quick positive post...even though i do moan about recovery a lot, especially about the gaining..it does have a few pro's =P: - iv noticed how isolated i was having an eating disorder and being confusmed by it 24/7. now im starting to recover im getting closer to people at college and getting close to my family again. especially my mom, who i fell out with over the ED. im also more confident at college and talking to people more, making new friends. -i have better concentration than before, as my mind isnt constantly on if im losing or gaining and the fat and sugar in foods ect. this means i can have better conversations with people, but can also get my college work done easier and faster. this means im ahead with my work =] also, eating more also helps with the concentration. -it isnt tiring to walk now, and i can actually keep up with the pace that my friends walk at, instead of being left behind. - im strong enough to open a food can with the can opener =]!-my hair is thick and in better condition and i can now think of dyeing it. - iv gone back to college now after having to drop out for a few months while very weak and at the beginning of my recover. i also enjoy it more now , as i dont feel so tired. - my nan and grandads minds are at ease now im getting better and they are very proud of me. -im able to smoke without being worried il faint. -im starting a saturday job soon and volenteering down the farm. i hope il be strong enough now, but i certainly wasnt beforehand. - i have energy to do simple things, such as go in the shower. - i take better pride in my appearance. - even though il only eat certain things , i enjoy food now!-finally, i can control my bladder better now. i was suffering incontinence at my worst stage of anorexia, gross and tmi i know. thanks for reading. if your recovering can you think of any for yourself?
dont really have much to report...finished my college week today. its gone suprisingly quick...only three more weeks and thats my first year done. to be fair its going good , as im gaining friends and confidence and am also doing well on work. i find it so much easier to engage in conversations with people now im in a better frame of mind and i feel people actually want me around. i only have one assigment left to do and i have three weeks, so im helping my friends with theres, sending them work and advising them ;]! im actually surprised i survived the first year..i think il buy a pack of expensive cigarettes to celebrate. i start my work placement down the farm then, once i tell the supervisor when im finished college so he can tell me what days im doing and my saturday job with my mom and aunt soon after. farm will be strange though lol, as il be milking cows some days xD. weight wise....im deciding to weigh in saturday instead of sunday for just this week, as my aunt wants to go to an air meuseum early. that means not drinking so much squash friday night as im very consciess of water weight gain. i dont want to get upset like last week and end up not going. im not looking farward to the weigh in though... as i think iv gained and if i gain one more pound its the dreaded stone more than my low weight. il also probably have to increase my cals again next week thanks to my aunt...sigh. anyway...tomorow im going for my hair cut at 2pm and am going to ask about having my hair coloured next time. i want it either purple or red at the bottom of my hair or in streak form. bet it'll cost a bomb to colour =/ after that im going shopping with my uncle down asda to get some soup, meals, squash and crackers, then down my nan and grandads to do some drawing and a jigsaw puzzle. saturday im voleenteering down my moms work again at the pharmacy to gain somemore experience for when i do start and sunday im at cosfords air museum. how are you all? xox
small update from last post. well the weigh in at the doctors was wrong, so it mus have been the hoodie that put on that extra kg. im still 5.5.... im back at college tomorow for a week then we break up again lol. how is everyone?
so just a quick update, as im in college at the minute. does anyone else find they think about what they are going to eat next constantly? like since i started recovery i find myself thinking about eating my dinner as soon as i finish my breakfast. i mean i actually look forward to it, which i suppose is a good thing recovery wise. the only downside of it is that i hate getting up early to go to college, as theres a long gap between eating my breakfast and lunch and the days can be quite boring at times. anyway...iv had a big mental push through in my recovery i feel. i now realise i dont want to be like this forever, as i dont want to be weak all the time or cold. i also want more of a life and because of that the thought of gaining isnt such a bad thing now. im just sort of going with the flow if you know what i mean. in other news, my aunt is going to try to find me a saturday job in a chemist, so i need some strengh. as well as that , i need to find a college placement at a pet shop or farm or somthing, but so far no luck. thats kind of stressing me out a little but nevermind.next week im going to drayton manor theme park with my mom, which should be fun and tomorow im going to see my nan and grandad before they go away on holiday for two weeks to greece. finally if you even want to chat, about recovery , ed's or just in general im online a lot of the time. my msn is : firstname.lastname@example.org my aim is: elliesheppardxPS: il be posting up a few pics of me and my family soon, if anyones interested =].
hey sorry i havent updated for a while. basically i went to the doctor and they found out i had lost more weight, so my moms watching what im eating and keeps making me eat >_<. thankfully im at college a few days a week so i can get around it. hoping i dont gain!!!!!!!!!!
I hate being on my period. I hate hate hate hate hate it!Hot flushes, bloating-ness, fatness, just yuckyness in general. Argh.
Ugh had such bad sickness since friday :(lost 2 lbs though. x
Going on the rainbow diet on saturday if anyone wants to join me?x
Only had a cup of tea this morning. 35 calories.Going to walk the dog around the streets in a minute, should burn a few calories.Did an hours exercise yesterday, not the best i've done, but not the worst. But despite the exercise, I ate quite a lot. Feel really guilty, but today's a new day, a new start!Hope you girlies are doing okay!, Hope to hear from you soon! x
LiveJournal really pisses me off sometimes. I can't send messages to anyone at the moment grr.Still maintained 9 stone 13/139 lbs since before xmas which is okay. Will update soon x